WILL I EVER SURVIVE?

The day for me to do my jobs was finally around the corner. There were so many things playing in my mind. The first thing that came into my mind was, I was given punishment by God for being too forgetful of Him and taking things for granted. I guess this was one of the heaviest task He has given to me. I can't stop my tears from rolling down, thinking that I might not be able to meet my family except Hari Raya day and I will be fasting the month of ramadhan all alone in the thick forest and a deserted new place. I blamed myself for taking things for granted, thinking that this day will never come to me. I blamed myself for having this kind of thought. I blamed myself as this attitude that I have would have cost lots of trouble not only to me all alone but most importantly my parents. They had shed enough tears thinking of me going alone to that place. I have troubled them a lot. If only I have braved myself enough to practice driving everyday then this thing would never happen. I had never seen my father so depressed in my life. No matter how difficult my life and obstacles I have gone through in my past life, I managed to overcome them with my parents' help. Only this one obstacle was hard to overcome. When I thought of this, I was beginning to feel that other great obstacles were waiting for me in the future. I was still thinking childishly, hoping that my parents would always be there for me to do everything for me. To be honest, I am really a spoiled child. I gave too much burdens to my parents especially my father for them to carry on their shoulders. With one closed eye, I would just hand down the problems to them and expected that they would solve everything for me. I guess this was one of the punishments from God for troubling them. And for the first time in my life I have never seen such treachery among good friends. I can see the pain, the expression that my father had never worn before in my whole life. He was betrayed by his own good friends. I can say no more. Thinking that I will be living in that place, I might never know the outside world again. With no television, and I was even afraid that there might not be any mobile phone signal and no Internet, it was impossible for me to contact my family again. I guess God has answered my prayer. I have done a stupid thing when I wished to God that I wanted to lose contact with my family and I would die alone during a slight fight with my mother. Such an evil and mean heart I possess. I once wished bad things to my mother and believe it or not I even wished that I would die just because I was too emotional. One word came in my mind....redha...