ADIKKU, MUHAMMAD IHSAN B. ABDULLAH

Setelah sekian lama aku tidak menulis ceritaku di dalam Bahasa Melayu, aku dapat merasakan standard bahasaku kian menurun. Selama ini bahasaku sentiasa bagus, aku sering dipuji guru-guruku mahupun semasa berada di sekolah rendah ataupun sekolah menengah kerana lenggok bahasaku yang indah. Namun, kini aku berasa kekok untuk menulis walaupun satu perenggan. Hari ini, aku berasa tersentuh dan kagum dengan dua orang guru Bahasa Melayu yang tidak hanya manis mulut di bibir tetapi hamburan kata-kata nasihat yang singgah di telingaku bagaikan serpihan permata yang berkilauan dan menusuk kalbuku, tidak mungkin akan ku lupakan. Omongan mereka bukanlah sekadar tin kosong tetapi bagaikan kilat, tegas dan penuh bermakna. Mereka tidak lain dan tidak bukan adalah dua guru yang aku anggap seperti kakakku sendiri iaitu Kak Long dan Kak Yus.

Namun coretan aku pada kali ini adalah lebih berkisar kepada diriku sendiri tetapi adikku sendiri yang amat aku kagumi. Jika aku lihat pada masa lampau, aku hanya mampu mengucapkan rasa syukur yang amat tinggi kerana dilahirkan dalam keadaan begini. Meskipun ada perkara yang masih agak sukar untuk ku terima seperti keadaan adik aku yang masih lagi lumpuh, sedangkan terasa seperti semalam baru sahaja melihat dia tersenyum tawa riang berlari-larian. Namun aku pasrah. Aku tidak dapat membayangkan sekiranya aku berada di posisi adikku. Mungkin aku sudah hilang arah tujuan untuk hidup. Untuk itu, tiada perkataan yang dapat kuguriskan untuk aku sampaikan bahawa aku sangat menghormati dan kagum dengan kekuatan adikku untuk menerima dirinya seadanya.

Masih kuat lagi di dalam kotak memoriku akan peristiwa yang telah berlaku yang membuatkan aku berasa ingin menitiskan air mata. Tatkala aku memegang kerusi roda adikku untuk mengusungnya ke kuliah di UUM, terasa beban yang amat tinggi yang aku tidak dapat gambarkan meskipun aku cuba lampirkan dalam sejuta patah perkataan sekalipun. Bak kata pepatah, berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Saat itu, aku dapat melihat disebalik tenang riak muka adikku, dia menanggung satu rasa pilu yang teramat. Dalam keadaannya yang begitu, dia terpaksa menepis rasa malu yang menebal dan rasa bersalah kerana telah membebankan orang lain. Ya, dia harus mengetepikan air mukanya untuk meminta rakan-rakannya membawanya ke kuliah yang jalannya berbukit-bukau. Di saat aku sedang mengusungnya, aku lihat riak wajahnya yang begitu ceria meskipun ada mata asing yang memandang pelik pada dirinya. Jika diriku berada pada tempatnya, aku pasti akan cuba mengelakkan daripada bertembung dengan pelajar-pelajar lain sebanyak yang mungkin. Mulai saat itu, aku berjanji kepada diriku supaya akan sentiasa cuba untuk berada di sisinya supaya dapat menghantarnya ke kuliah agar dia tidak merasa beban kerana membebankan orang lain dan supaya aku dapat membuatkan dirinya tidak berasa keseorangan di situ.

Air mataku pasti bergenang bila aku teringatkan saat dia berada pada semester yang ke-2. Dengan hanya satu laluan yang tidak mempunyai "ram", adikku terpaksa menengsotkan dirinya untuk turun daripada tangga satu persatu untuk ke kuliah. Aku alihkan pandanganku ke arah lain, cuba untuk tidak menunjukkan betapa pedihnya hatiku melihat keadaannya begitu. Agak menyedihkan bila memerhatikan pelajar-pelajar lelaki lain hanya memerhatikannya sahaja. Dalam hatiku, "Ya Allah, haruskah adikku melalui saat-saat ini setiap hari untuk menghadiri kuliahnya?" Alhamdulilllah, jalan baru dengan "ram" telah dibuka dan adik aku tidak payah lagi untuk menuruni anak-anak tangga untuk ke kuliah.

Hati aku cukup terguris tatkala aku melawatnya di hostelnya yang ketika itu dia hanya melapik perutnya dengan mi "maggi". Betapa dia tidak mahu menyusahkan sesiapa meskipun kakaknya sendiri sehingga dia lebih rela berlaparan. Meskipun tidak dinyatakan pada diriku namun aku tahu waktu itu tiada siapa yang dapat membawanya ke cafeteria untuk membeli makanan tengah hari. Aku salahkan diriku kerana tidak betul-betul menjaga adikku. Lantas aku segera ke cafeteria dan membungkus makanan untuk adikku.

Sehingga saat ini aku enggan untuk pergi melancong ke tempat yang lebih jauh kerana tatkala aku ingin menikmati waktu senangku pasti aku akan teringat akan diri adikku yang hanya mampu berada di rumah dan dengan dunia sibernya. Daripada pancaran matanya aku tahu dia ingin merantau lebih jauh, melihat tempat-tempat yang tidak pernah dilihatnya. Dalam hatiku tahu dia juga ingin menjadi seperti orang lain, mampu merasa makanan enak di restauran yang mewah, ingin bergerak bebas.

Hatiku runtun tatkala adikku mengatakan, "macam mana nak cari kerja, semua tawaran kerja tu hanya untuk orang biasa." Tatkala itu, adikku baru sahaja tamat pengajian ijazahnya. Di tangannya ada borang pemohonan bekerja. Meskipun Ijazah Sajana Muda IT yang diambil namun kesemua tawaran bekerja tidak ada kaitan langsung dengan kursus yang diambilnya. Bahkan, hampir kesemuanya memerlukan pekerja yang sihat tubuh badannya seperti pegawai kastam.

Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hatiku untuk menghadapi masa-masa depan dengan adikku. Dalam hatiku sentiasa terbayang masa nanti di mana kedua-dua orang tuaku tiada siapa lagi yang dapat menjaga adikku.
Maafkan diriku sekiranya sampaianku tidak begitu terang dan bahasaku begitu teruk sekali kerana hanya ini sahaja mampu aku nyatakan dalam bahasa ibundaku sendiri.
Rasa terima kasih juga aku lampirkan buat Ju, Yusri, Mustaqim, Iqbal dan rakan-rakan adikku, Ihsan yang lain yang setia menolong adikku tanpa mengharapkan apa-apa balasan sekalipun. Moga Allah sentiasa memberkati hidup sekalian. Jasa kalian akan sentiasa terpahat di hati.

The Irony of Teachers' Day.

This might sound silly and stupid but there is no other way I could find to resolve something that seems so simple but yet hurts me deeply. I am one way of stepping into the mean word of reality. In fact, I am weak at facing it as I'm unable to use my reasoning well to control my emotion. I used to cry a lot when people scolded me and when I grew up till this age, I manage to make sure that those feelings of intimidated and sadness would not overwhelm me again. Up until now, when I am already wearing my name as a teacher, I face quite a lot of new challenges but they are never a hindrance to me. I would always be able to stand on my feet again, motivate myself by telling that everything will be fine. No matter how much and how bad people talked behind my back, saying that I am such an irresponsible person just because I was hospitalised and was not able to mark the English papers, no matter how much the parents have harassed me, no matter how lazy and rude the pupils are, I could still move on and think hardly about ways to help the pupils to score in their examination. Today, just because of one incident, I started to doubt myself whether I would be surviving in this teaching line.
I blamed myself for taking things lightly. Just so for this incident, I was scolded badly by a parent because of tiny little matter. the clinic class for the poor achiever pupils happened to be off the schedule. I didn't realise that I had taken more than the time promised to teach them. It was partly my fault to be blamed for starting the class late and for ending up late but still I couldn't accept the fact that there were parents who are angry when we did not meet the time. It was something out of my hand because the celebration went off late. I could see that he was angry because he had troubled himself by searching for his son all over the place till he wanted to make a police report. Pity the son because I know he was so eager to learn English. He confessed to me that when I started to teach him, he begins to like English and he begins to understand better with me being his teacher. Of course to me, it is such a great motivation to teach him and I would not mind to use up my free time to teach him so that he would have better understanding if I do a personal tutoring to him.
Yet, when I think of his father's saying " kalau jadual tak tetap, macam mana ni? Tak boleh ker semua cikgu menepati masa seperti mana yang dijadualkan? Kalau macam ni, susah la mak bapak."
I was struck with silence and truly, deeply hurt at that moment and I could not believe what he said. My motivation to teach shattered at that very moment and my emotion started to stir up. Plus, I was facing another tough situation which made myself wanted to take MC for two weeks. My friend was saying that she was so unlucky when she came to this school as nothing good has ever happened to her. On Teachers' Day, she whined that she didn't like the present from other teacher during the exchanging present session, saying that getting a stove would actually show a sign that she could not transfer to other school. At the same time, the present that she should give to other teacher was stolen by a student to give to other teacher made her cry without stop. It was the first time I saw her like that and it added more tangles to my already unstable emotion.
My head was spinning and I told myself that everything will be back to normal once I had a good sleep and with one day worth of holiday I can make my emotion back to zero. I was wrong as that matter was still lingering in my head and the tears that I had tried hardly to hold finally broke down and I could feel my chest was in pain, as if somebody was stabbing it. I could not accept few things from that parent's attitude. Firstly, how could he be so meticulous on such good thing about that? It is not like I was asking his son to do something so wasteful. I was doing the clinic for the sake of his son and I did not even ask any penny for that. It was supposed to be the day that I should relax myself because it was after all Teachers' Day. Plus, with my health condition like that, I made myself forget about the fatigue due to a restless day. I was willing to sacrifice my precious free time just because I wanted to help his son.
Until today I could not gain the motivation that I used to have before this. I tried to reason myself, telling myself that there are other teachers who experience worse thing than what I am facing now. I feel like stopping the whole idea of wanting to have clinic classes for the pupils just because I feel that not only my effort but other teachers as well are not being appreciated.

WILL I EVER SURVIVE?

The day for me to do my jobs was finally around the corner. There were so many things playing in my mind. The first thing that came into my mind was, I was given punishment by God for being too forgetful of Him and taking things for granted. I guess this was one of the heaviest task He has given to me. I can't stop my tears from rolling down, thinking that I might not be able to meet my family except Hari Raya day and I will be fasting the month of ramadhan all alone in the thick forest and a deserted new place. I blamed myself for taking things for granted, thinking that this day will never come to me. I blamed myself for having this kind of thought. I blamed myself as this attitude that I have would have cost lots of trouble not only to me all alone but most importantly my parents. They had shed enough tears thinking of me going alone to that place. I have troubled them a lot. If only I have braved myself enough to practice driving everyday then this thing would never happen. I had never seen my father so depressed in my life. No matter how difficult my life and obstacles I have gone through in my past life, I managed to overcome them with my parents' help. Only this one obstacle was hard to overcome. When I thought of this, I was beginning to feel that other great obstacles were waiting for me in the future. I was still thinking childishly, hoping that my parents would always be there for me to do everything for me. To be honest, I am really a spoiled child. I gave too much burdens to my parents especially my father for them to carry on their shoulders. With one closed eye, I would just hand down the problems to them and expected that they would solve everything for me. I guess this was one of the punishments from God for troubling them. And for the first time in my life I have never seen such treachery among good friends. I can see the pain, the expression that my father had never worn before in my whole life. He was betrayed by his own good friends. I can say no more. Thinking that I will be living in that place, I might never know the outside world again. With no television, and I was even afraid that there might not be any mobile phone signal and no Internet, it was impossible for me to contact my family again. I guess God has answered my prayer. I have done a stupid thing when I wished to God that I wanted to lose contact with my family and I would die alone during a slight fight with my mother. Such an evil and mean heart I possess. I once wished bad things to my mother and believe it or not I even wished that I would die just because I was too emotional. One word came in my mind....redha...

Final Draft: Japan

My friends call me a Japan-freak; knowing about Japan more than knowing my own country. Some of them tell me that I’m too obsessed with Japan as all the time they see me lingering with Japanese stuffs like drama, songs, and even learning the Japanese language. Telling the truth, I am actually learning the language and not this language only as I am planning to learn other languages in the future. When talking about Japan, most people would probably think of technology especially mobiles especially cars. However, I am not really interested in their technologies. In this essay, I will be talking about manga and anime, Japanese educational system, the people themselves, and the social problems increasing in their society.

Japan gives great influences to the countries all over the world with manga (comics) and anime. The influence is so great that the terminology “anime” is included in the English dictionary. Common people who do not know much about manga and anime would perceive them as merely forms of entertainment. However, the basis of manga and anime does not based on this purpose only. For Japanese, these two sources serve as mediums to inform the public about stories that are depicted from daily life, history that revolves around the shogunate era and so on. Some of the anime even consist of adult/mature contents that can only be watched by viewers above 18 years old. The elements of virtue, creativity and imagination, and knowledge are wrapped up inside anime where it plays important role in educating the community. Such influence can be seen in other countries can be seen where there are cosplays (costume playing) all over the world including our country Malaysia. Some of the fans or so-called die-hard-fans become obsessed with manga and anime that they are given the title otaku. Cartoonists from other countries are also influenced by the strokes and plots that are similar to manga/anime.

I am pretty much attracted to the educational system there when I heard it from my Japanese lecturers. I did some readings on books and from Wikipedia where I found there are some similarities in Japanese school system compared to us. One of them is yochien, (kindergarten or nursery) as the earliest education that each child should receive at the earliest age of 5 years old. The teachers assigned are mostly college graduates. Unlike our country, children are enrolled in shogakko or elementary schools at the age of six which is one year earlier than us. Just like United States School system, there is only one teacher that will teach all subjects. The next level of education is chuugakko or middle school. The students enroll at this school at are mostly of the age of 12 or 13. Just like us, the entrance of the school is determined by examinations. The selection of schools is important as schools play an important role in determining which Universities that they will attend later on. Surprisingly, education is only compulsory to them until the age of 15 as at the age of 16, they are free to choose whether to end their education or proceed to kotogakko/koko (high schools). At this age too, they are given the permission to work. Again, there is an examination before the students are able to enter their target schools. Compared to our examination system, the students there need to take entrance examination that are set by the schools themselves. During the final year, which is when they are 18 years old, they again need to decide whether to end their studies and work or proceed to University. If they want to enter any Universities, they need to take an examination from respective Universities.

Japanese are the people who go for perfectionism in everything they do. I remember in one line in the Last Samurai movie, “from the moment they wake, they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they do”, I find that this statement is true. In everything that they do in their daily life is done in certain procedures or steps with serious considering. If they do not do so, they might be considered as rude or has broken the balance of their life. Each child is brought up with strict disciplines. It can be seen vividly in their own language system. Just like our language, they have formal and informal language. Their language is much influenced by Chinese language and almost most of them are derived from Chinese characters. Most of the pronunciations are similar to the Chinese language. What surprises me when I first learn Japanese language is their writing system. Unlike Malay language and English language, Japanese language consists of characters just like Chinese language. They even have three different writings which are katakana, hiragana, and kanji. I thought that I can just write the character freely on my own. However, when I attended Japanese class I learned that the strokes of each character needs to be written based on fixed steps and with a correct measurement. Writing in the correct order is very important. Japanese take this matter seriously. I remember when I was scolded by my Japanese lecturer for writing them sloppily.

Apart from their language, the perfectionism can be seen in their own education system. If the examination involves memorization of lines especially in Japanese language subject or literature, the students need to memorize them one by one without leaving one word. Leaving one word of the line is intolerable. Such small mistakes can affect their examination marks. Besides their education system, bowing (jigi) and greetings (aisatsu) are very vital in their daily life. If they do not do these in their daily life, they would be considered extremely rude. Saying the phrase itadakimasu before eating and gochisousama after a meal is compulsory as a form to show gratefulness to the person who prepares the food. When eating, they are not allowed to leave any chunks of food left and they do not pour soya sauce on the rice or dishes just like Malay custom. Instead, they will pour it on a plate and dip the dishes on the soya sauce.

However beyond the perfectionism of this country, there are also climbing rates of social problems. The main social problems in Japan are suicide, hikikomori (pulling away), ijime (bullying), makeinu (literally meaning failure but here it means women who refuse to get married), juvenile crimes, parasites (unemployed adults staying with their parents), furita (unemployed people) and lots more (Taylor, M., 2006). According to WHO, Japan is included as one of the countries who have high rate number of suicides. According to TIMES, June 19, 2008, suicide cases in Japan are escalating. The range of age is between 15 to 34 and mainly because of stress and depression. Well, seeing how high expectations certain parents on their children with tough disciplines and workaholics, I do not feel surprise that this social problem is at a rise. The adolescents too are lacking of virtue and respects towards the elder. However, this phenomenon does not only happen in Japan only but also in Malaysia. I still remember my Japanese teacher said that Malaysians are courteous people back on 1995 but the quality is degrading.

So far, these are all the things that I know about Japan. I still admire their endless spirit in getting the best in everything they do and their persistence in preserving their culture and customs as much as I respect my own culture. I am enjoying learning their language at the same time learning about the country itself.

2nd draft: Japan

SORRY FOR THE LATE POST AGAIN!!!! I HAD INTERNET CONNECTION PROBLEMS AT HOME FOR ABOUT A WEEK!!!

My friends call me a Japan-freak; knowing about Japan more than knowing my own country. Some of them tell me that I’m too obsessed with Japan as all the time they see me lingering with Japanese stuffs like drama, songs, and even learning the Japanese language. Telling the truth, I am actually learning the language and not this language only as I am planning to learn other languages in the future. When talking about Japan, most people would probably think of technology especially mobiles especially cars. However, I am not really interested in their technologies. In this essay, I will be talking about manga and anime, Japanese educational system, the people themselves, and the social problems increasing in their society.

Japan gives a great influence to the countries all over the world with manga (comics) and anime. The influence is so great that the terminology “anime” is included in the English dictionary. Common people who do not know much about manga and anime would perceive them as merely forms of entertainment. However, the basis of manga and anime does not based on this purpose only. For Japanese, these two sources serve as mediums to inform the public about stories that are depicted from daily life, history that revolves around the shogunate era and so on. Some of the anime even consist of adult/mature contents that can only be watched by viewers above 18 years old. The elements of virtue, creativity and imagination, and knowledge are wrapped up inside anime where it plays important role in educating the community. The influence on other countries can be seen that there are even cosplays (costume playing) all over the world including our country Malaysia. Some of the fans or so-called die-hard-fans become obsessed with manga and anime that they are given the title otaku. Cartoonists from other countries are also influenced by the strokes and plots that are similar to manga/anime.

I am pretty much attracted to the educational system there when I heard it from my Japanese lecturers. I did some readings on books and from Wikipedia where I found there are some similarities in Japanese school system compared to us. One of them is yochien, (kindergarten or nursery) as the earliest education that each child should receive at the earliest age of 5 years old. The teachers assigned are mostly college graduates. Unlike our country, children are enrolled in shogakko or elementary schools at the age of six which is one year earlier than us. Just like United States School system, there is only one teacher that will teach all subjects. The next level of education is chuugakko or middle school. The students enroll at this school at are mostly of the age of 12 or 13. Just like us, the entrance of the school is determined by examinations. The choosing of schools is important as schools play an important role in determining which Universities that they will attend later on. Up until this level the education is compulsory to them but at the age of 16, they are free to choose whether to end their education or proceed to kotogakko/koko (high schools). At this age too, they are given the permission to work. Again, there is an examination before the students are able to enter their target schools. Compared to our examination system, the students there need to take entrance examination that are set by the schools themselves. During the final year, which is when they are 18 years old, they again need to decide whether to end their studies and work or proceed to University. If they want to enter any Universities, they need to take an examination from respective Universities.

Japanese people are the people who go for perfectionism in everything they do. I remember in one line in the Last Samurai movie, “from the moment they wake, they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they do”, I find that this statement is true. In everything that they do in their daily life is done in certain procedures or steps with serious considering. If they do not do so, they might be considered as rude or has broken the balance of their life. Each child is brought up with strict disciplines. It can be seen vividly in their own language system. Just like our language, they have formal and informal language. Their language is much influenced by Chinese language and almost most of them are derived from Chinese characters. Most of the pronunciations are similar to the Chinese language. What surprises me when I first learn Japanese language is their writing system. Unlike Malay language and English language, Japanese language consists of characters just like Chinese language. They even have three different writings which are katakana, hiragana, and kanji. I thought that I can just write the character freely on my own. However, when I attended Japanese class I learned that the strokes of each character needs to be written based on the fixed steps and with the correct measurement. Writing in the correct order is very important. Japanese take this matter seriously. I remember when I was scolded by my Japanese lecturer for writing them sloppily.

Apart from their language, the perfectionism can be seen in their own education system. If the examination involves memorization of lines especially in Japanese language subject or literature, the students need to memorize them one by one without leaving one word. Leaving one word of the line is intolerable. With just one mistake can affect their examination marks. Besides their education system, bowing (jigi) and greetings (aisatsu) are very vital in their daily life. If they do not do these in their daily life, they would be considered extremely rude. Saying the phrase itadakimasu before eating and gochisousama after a meal is compulsory as a form to show gratefulness to the person who prepares the food. When eating, they are not allowed to leave any chunks of food left and they do not pour soya sauce on the rice or dishes just like Malay custom. Instead, they will pour it on a plate and dipped the dishes on the food.

However beyond the perfectionism of this country, there are also climbing rates of social problems. The main social problems in Japan are suicide, hikikomori (pulling away), ijime (bullying), makeinu (literally meaning failure but here it means women who refuse to get married), juvenile crimes, parasites (unemployed adults staying with their parents), furita (unemployed people) and lots more (Taylor, M., 2006). According to WHO, Japan is included as one of the countries who have high rate number of suicides. According to TIMES, June 19, 2008, suicide cases in Japan are escalating. The range of age is between 15 to 34 and mainly because of stress and depression. Well, seeing how high expectations certain parents on their children with tough disciplines and workaholics, I do not feel surprise that this social problem is at a rise. The adolescents too are lacking of virtue and respects towards the elder. However, this phenomenon does not only happen in Japan only but also in Malaysia. I still remember my Japanese teacher said that Malaysians are courteous people back on 1995 but the quality is degrading.

So far, these are all the things that I know about Japan. I still admire their endless spirit in getting the best in everything they do and their persistence in preserving their culture and customs as much as I respect my own culture. I am enjoying learning their language at the same time learning about the country itself.

Fist draft: Japan

SORRY FOR THE LATE POST!!

Japan is mostly well-known by its modern technology. Some of the technologies are not even comparable to us. For instance, the most famous telephone brand in Japan, NTT Docomo cannot be used in other country except the country itself due to extensive and advanced features of the mobile phone. Apart from that, this country is also leading in the manufacturing of automobiles especially cars. I have watched one Television Programmed called Muccha Buri where one of the episodes shows the models of cars that are very unique. They are unique that some of them can function not only on land, but also on water. Apart from technologies, Japan gives a great influence to the countries all over the world with manga (comics) and anime. The influence is so great that the terminology “anime” is included in the English dictionary. Common people who do not know much about manga and anime would perceive them as merely forms of entertainment. However, the basis of manga and anime does not based on this purpose only. For Japanese, these two sources serve as mediums to inform the public about stories that are depicted from daily life, history that revolves around the shogunate era and so on. Some of the anime even consist of adult/mature contents that can only be watched by viewers above 18 years old. The elements of virtue, creativity and imagination, and knowledge are wrapped up inside anime where it plays important role in educating the community. The influence on other countries can be seen that there are even cosplays (costume playing) all over the world including our country Malaysia. Some of the fans or so-called die-hard-fans become obsessed with manga and anime that they are given the title otaku. Cartoonists from other countries are also influenced by the strokes and plots that are similar to manga/anime.

I am pretty much attracted to the educational system there. There are some similarities in Japanese school system compared to us. One of them is yochien, (kindergarten or nursery) as the earliest education that each child should receive at the earliest age of 5 years old. The teachers assigned are mostly college graduates. Unlike our country, children are enrolled in shogakko or elementary schools at the age of six which is one year earlier than us. Just like United States School system, there is only one teacher that will teach all subjects. The next level of education is chuugakko or middle school. The students enroll at this school at are mostly of the age of 12 or 13. Just like us, the entrance of the school is determined by examinations. The choosing of schools is important as schools play an important role in determining which Universities that they will attend later on. Up until this level the education is compulsory to them but at the age of 16, they are free to choose whether to end their education or proceed to kotogakko/koko (high schools). At this age too, they are given the permission to work. Again, there is an examination before the students are able to enter their target schools. Compared to our examination system, the students there need to take entrance examination that are set by the schools themselves. During the final year, which is when they are 18 years old, they again need to decide whether to end their studies and work or proceed to University. If they want to enter any Universities, they need to take an examination from respective Universities.

Japanese are the people who go for perfectionism in everything they do. I remember in one line in the Last Samurai movie, “from the moment they wake, they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they do”, I find that this statement is true. In everything that they do in their daily life is done in certain procedures or steps with serious considering. If they do not do so, they might be considered as rude or has broken the balance of their life. Each child is brought up with strict disciplines. It can be seen vividly in their own language system. Just like our language, they have formal and informal language. Their language is much influenced by Chinese language and almost most of them are derived from Chinese characters. Most of the pronunciations are similar to the Chinese language. What surprises me when I first learn Japanese language is their writing system. Unlike Malay language and English language, Japanese language consists of characters just like Chinese language. They even have three different writings which are katakana, hiragana, and kanji. If you learn Japanese language you will know this. Unlike our language, one character in Japanese language does not represent a letter but is made of syllables. For example one character is pronounced as ka (ka:). The combination of characters will form a word. For instane, the character ka if combined with the character mi will form a word kami which means paper or God. I thought that I can just write the character freely on my own. However, when I attended Japanese class I learned that the strokes of each character needs to be written based on the fixed steps and with the correct measurement. Writing in the correct order is very important. Japanese take this matter seriously. I remember when I was scolded by my Japanese lecturer for writing them sloppily.

Apart from their language, the perfectionism can be seen in their own education system. If the examination involves memorization of lines especially in Japanese language subject or literature, the students need to memorize them one by one without leaving one word. Leaving one word of the line is intolerable. With just one mistake can affect their examination marks. Besides their education system, bowing (jigi) and greetings (aisatsu) are very vital in their daily life. If they do not do these in their daily life, they would be considered extremely rude. Saying the phrase itadakimasu before eating and gochisousama after a meal is compulsory as a form to show gratefulness to the person who prepares the food. When eating, they are not allowed to leave any chunks of food left and they do not pour soya sauce on the rice or dishes just like Malay custom. Instead, they will pour it on a plate and dipped the dishes on the food.

However, beyond the perfectionism of this country, there are also climbing rates of social problems. The main social problems in Japan are suicide, hikikomori (pulling away), ijime (bullying), makeinu (literally meaning failure but here it means women who refuse to get married), juvenile crimes, parasites (unemployed adults staying with their parents), furita (unemployed people) and lots more (Taylor, M., 2006). According to WHO, Japan is included as one of the countries who have high rate number of suicides. According to TIMES, June 19, 2008, suicide cases in Japan are escalating. The range of age is between 15 to 34 and mainly because of stress and depression. Well, seeing how high expectations certain parents on their children with tough disciplines and workaholics, I do not feel surprise that this social problem is at a rise. The adolescents too are lacking of virtue and respects towards the elder. However, this phenomenon does not only happen in Japan only but also in Malaysia. I still remember my Japanese teacher said that Malaysians are courteous people back on 1995 but the quality is degrading.

Even with the bad sides of Japanese society, they are still amazing in my eyes. Not because of their technology or achivements but their attitudes in preserving their own culture, their endless spirit to strive for the best, and also high disciplines make me think that this country is such a great country.

Final draft: MY DARK PAST

My childhood was the thing that I did not want to remember the most. It brought more pain than pleasure to me. These deep cuts and bruises, I wondered when they will heal. Unpleasant past memories that inflicted on our family were still haunting us. Poor my sisters, they were the ones who were affected the most.

For 23 years our family had lived with the idea that people with dark complexion were considered ugly and should be avoided. All these years we were suffering, it was all because of our grandparents, especially my grandmother. She was my mother’s maternal mother. She was the queen control, the dictator of the whole family. She decided what would be the best for her children. She even surpassed the limit; she wanted to take control of her grandchildren as well. My grandfather was slightly nicer than her. Still, he had once discriminated us.

How did all the sufferings happen? The vital mistake came when we were born. My father has dark complexion compared to my mother who has fairer skin complexion. As a result some of us were born with dark complexion. All of my brothers are fairer than the girls. It was something that my grandparents did not like because they were expecting their grandchildren to have skin as fair as snow and very cute to their eyes. Being born to this world with such physical condition was a sin to us. I kept on questioning myself, why should my grandparents allow their marriage if they did not like my father right from the beginning? Then, we would have never suffered like this.

As a result of having dark complexion, we were treated differently. The treatment had never and would never change towards us. I still remembered when we returned for Raya we were always asked to put our staff at one corner of the house. At night, we would sleep in the living room. My sister and I used to sleep with our aunts. That was because they were still not married. But later on, when they had married I could feel the gap between us. The obvious discrimination came when our cousins were born. My grandmother would always praise them and gave them all the needs that they needed. On contrary, we were expected to serve them. Compared to our cousins, if we did not help to cook we would be scolded. We were not even allowed to touch expensive things. Our drinks were only cups and plates made of plastic. During Raya morning, our relatives would enjoy the Raya dish first. We would have them later. Some of us even did not eat at all because the food was not enough for us. Adding to the wound in my heart, some of our cousins saw us as sore to their sights. They would say “hitam melegam” (as dark as charcoal) to me as I have the darkest skin complexion compared to my other sisters.

The most unforgettable thing was when my mother revealed a very hurtful secret to us. When she was with the second child, which was my sister, my grandparents had scolded my mother for being pregnant again. She was showered with insulting words and threats. Each day of her life was filled with unshed tears and terrible fear. They despised having family members who had dark complexion. One afternoon, thinking that my father had slept my great grandmother said to her quietly with thick Kedah slang, “Jangan dok beranak banyak-banyak dah. Nanti dapat anak semua hitam macam pungkuq belanga, ”(don’t give birth anymore or they will all end up having skin as dark as the back of the pan). My father overheard that. Those venomous words were like arrows that struck his heart. Until now he still remembered that. Afraid of getting insults and warnings from my grandparents, she would hide her pregnancy from them. She would try to make her appearance look as normal as usual. There was even one time my grandmother said that my younger sister was annoyance to her when she wanted to make calls. My mother’s heart shattered into pieces. Until now she always brings up the point why should she be treated meanly when she was pregnant whereas her sisters were treated nicely when they gave birth to many children.

Having the idea that fair complexion people were beautiful but dark people were ugly made us think that we were the ugliest human being on earth. It had been a burden that we had carried till we grew older. With this idea, my mind could only see our existence was not less than a slave for other people. We deserved to be bullied and to be insulted. This thought had wiped off our belief to stand taller, to have the belief that we were like other people too, deserve to have dreams and special in different aspects. In my secondary school time, I dared not be-friend with fair complexion people except the ones that I trusted and comfortable with. I dared not speak to guys as I always thought that they would be disgusted by the gloominess of my skin colour. I learned to judge people nothing but their appearance. Getting married seemed ridiculous and unfulfilled dreams to me and I even had fantasized to become beautiful as the white people. I despised taking pictures with my friends as I would appear to be ‘a piece of shit’ among the pretty flowers.
The society around us had never been helpful to us. As ex-neighbours, they were just like my grandparents; judging people based on physical appearance. Although they never mentioned that they looked down on us, but I could see that from their look. They had the eyes that sparked sense of discrimination and domination. They always praised their daughters as they were much beautiful than us. Each mistake that we did was vital that they will scold us continuously when we were child.

Luckily I have Islam as my faith. I always stick to Rasulullah’s sayings, “be obedient to your leader, even though he is a Bedouin.” As my knowledge has deepened, I learned that Rasulullah had many friends who had dark skin complexion like Bilal bin Rabah. He was even darker than me and yet he had one of the highest positions in Islam. Islam teaches us that we are not judged based on our physical appearance but the purity of our heart, akhlak, and our good deeds. The chance of furthering my study in this teacher training college was the most blissful gift to my entire life. I learned that I was special and had my own strengths. As I have mentioned before, my sisters were the one to be affected. My elder sister was beauty conscious. She would always buy whitening products and beauty products as she wanted to look best in other people’s eyes. If my face became tanner (darker of course) she would always ask me to immediately wear whitening products. Until now, my younger sister would never have confidence in herself. She would always see herself ugly the way I had seen myself before. Right now I am helping her to gain more confidence and hopefully she would be able to do so.

All these years I tried to find reasons why would my grandmother and the people I have mentioned discriminated us. Why discriminate when Islam teaches us to be equal to each other and consider piousness as the main criterion that every Muslim should have? I tried searching from the Internet, I had read books but most of them were not much related to the situation that I was facing. The only thing that could be the possible reason for these people to discriminate was because of the feeling of ethnocentrism. Ethnocentrism means being too obsessed of one’s own culture and race. One only thinks that one’s own race is the best compared to other races. It was still such an unbelievable thing that this situation did not only occur between different races but also within the Malay community itself. In relating to my grandmother’s situation, I thought that her mind was set like that; she was trained by my great grandmother to discriminate. It was a belief that was passed down from generation. Therefore, when I found about it I did not blame really blame her for what she had done to us. She did that unconsciously and luckily my mother did not follow her steps.

Today, my grandmother has treated us better than in the past. Maybe it is because the society is changing and also she realizes that she is getting older as she has no other people that she could rely on except us as her closest relative. She still discriminates us but I do not mind about that. This invisible wound would still remain in my heart, it will never cure but I am still overcoming it with positive thinking. Thanks to God, my parents and friends who are always there for me.